BRITNEY SPEARS IS MY MOTHERFUCKIN IDOL !

She's got great taste. No seriously. Lately, I've noticed that whatever Britney's doing I slowly morph into doing it as well. FOLLOWER !!!! Her cute bun head ... ask me how my hairs been all week. Go ahead and ask me. All those starbucks drinks I see her with. Guess how many times I've gone to Starbucks this week. Tight Jeans in her boots. Ask me how many times ... alright you get it. and im not ashamed and that's why I'll admit it. I don't care. Everyone has an idol. Someone they mirror. AND MINE JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE BRITNEY LYNN SPEARS ! OMGAH I COULD CRY !

At that point, Spears threw a fit, and took off her own underwear before trying on a pair of boyshorts (with "Barely Legal' stitched across the rear end) in the middle of the store while 15 other customers looked on.
An eyewitness tells Us, "The employees kept saying 'Don't change out here!' She's just like, 'Well, I couldn't take them in the fitting room!' It was like dealing with a child."

“She rolled her eyes, but paid with a credit card," the source tells Us. As payback, "on her way out, she went up to a mannequin, snatched the wig off the head, and stole it!"

1. Is that acting like a child? I'm going to go try these bootyshorts on in the dressing room ... Oh i can't ... well then okay. I'm not a prude so i'll do it here. Hahaha. Or is the whole thing a situation because ... you're not supposed to try on panties in stores? i dunno. MAYBE she could've left hers on. But at least there won't be crotch grease and pubes. We know babygirl shaves. But ... "as 15 other customers looked on." TURN THE FUCK AROUND ! "Oh it was so horrible. that disaster. HAVING TO WATCH her do that." people are fuckin DUUUMB. Anyone shopping in HUSTLER offended by this situation is rank and needs to be banned from the store.

2. lol

3. *sigh* *Swoon* *Drool*

4. Britney Spears went to Hustler

5. i need to go to Hustler tonight and buy those panties

6. Great description. Great description. You know what the non photog people of Los Angeles lack? VIDEO CAMERAS. I mean shit. You work in Hollywood/Los Angeles. Why not start recording shit instead of dialing '0' for the operator so u can vomit "GET ME US WEEKLY." I would've loved to see Britney pout her way out of the door while grabbing a wig off of a mannequin. Why didn't anyone get a shot of the now bald mannequin?

7. I'm not impressed with these half assed stories. No seriously. Should I save 2 paychecks before moving out there to take over or 4? Because ... I think I'm ready for the city. But the real question is: Are Mark and Britney ready for ME!?

Dun. Dun. Dun. Oooo scary. Ashlie's crazy. whhhhaaa. BASICALLY. my mind okay's every single thing this chick does and that's acceptable. Because it's my mind and i'm allowed to use it how I want. and i think britney spears IS a role model. Everyone else thinks she's insane, psychotic, crazy, looped out of her mind. But I just think she's a Louisiana girl ... livin in Los Angeles ... Makin millions ... Makin Mistakes ... And Gettin Them All Caught On Film. Whatever. At least her chilrens chilren will have documents of that one time Grandma went bra and panty dipping in the Pacific Ocean.

Wooooow. Grandma's cooooooooool.

Britney Spears Is Pregnant !!!

Nah uh. Yes huh. Nah uh. Yes huh. How do u know? Because inTouch has a picture of them texting JR Scrotum and he confirms ! Duh.

Really. Is this our proof? Is this what they mean by "Source." Hah. That's cute. I can't tell u how many times I've gotten a sexual text in my inbox and changed the name to Mark Wahlberg. You better give me something better than this. & just for shits and giggles. Who's they? THEY say Britney's Pregnant. Hahaha. I LOVE the They.

How about we try something like ... Britney's stopped drinking ... stopped smoking ... stopped buying the same size clothes ... y'know. Something other than a month old picture of her before she went to Vegas to get it sucked out. Jeezes. GET WITH IT !

Note: it sucked out pertains to the fat. not the baby. even though that'd be just as funny.

Lindsay Lohan & .... Stavros?

.Giggles.

Who is this oil tycoon man with the flavalicious name? Because all the girlies want him. And he wants all the girlies. But ... why is he getting all the girlies who constantly have cameras around. Oh. I get it. Haha. Stav u almost had me confused. You say u hate the camera because you really love it. But don't want us to think ur like everyone else and LOVE the attention. That's always why your hand is up, ur jacket's on ur head or you're running into other vehicles trying to drive like a blind man. But you know pretend hatred still gets Stavros Nia ... Niar ... Stavros dating someone new.

BUT AHOY !! OMG !! LINDSAY AND STAVROS WERE AT THE SAME CLUB. LET'S PHOTOSHOP THEM INTO ONE PICTURE AND START SOME SHIT. OOO MAYBE PARIS WILL GET PISSED AND LIKE ... DRIVE TO LINDSAY'S HOUSE AND SCREAM THINGS AND THROW EGGS. PRINT IT ! PRINT IT ! PRINT IT !

Tila Tequila Is A Fake

I almost wanna stop writing. about this hollywood bullshit. because i'm not understanding this whole SOURCE thing. if a "source" is close to the person in question, doesn't that technically make them a friend? So why are all these friends running to these magazines?

"It’s “all a sham,” says a source close to the show. “Tila has and has had a boyfriend for over a year, and she’s not really bi. She’s made out with some girls in her past, as all girls have, but she is not bi at all.” Our insider claims that MTV works hard to pretend she’s single and available because she refuses to break up with her boyfriend, “who’s like five years older than her. This is a massive scam . . . That’s why they are not continuing with the show [for a second season], because she won’t dump him.”

alright. i'm going to ask you to scroll (if necessary) back up and take a look at the picture i've posted. uhh ... does it really matter if the show is fake or not? does it? Tila Tequila is sexy as SHIT and has the cutest giggle i've ever heard in my life. So who cares if she's pretending to be bi sexual on a television show for ratings. Because if we're going to get technical ... every movie I've ever seen was fake and I should be reimbursed because I thought it was all true.

"Tequila has also been acting like “a diva” and become a “nightmare to work with,” said the source. “She arrives late and doesn’t talk to any of the contestants between takes. She complains she has too much going on.” A rep for Tequila said, “I’ll confirm that she’s bisexual and she’s a delight to work with.”

Lesson. Diva's rule Hollywood. If you're a sappy bitch who must complain about your BOSS WHO'S PAYING YOU to run and fetch her coffee like the little bitch you are ... leave the industry. Isn't everyone striving for Hollywood so they too can have 8 assistants, 3 small purse puppies and a driver? Or is the "new" Hollywood becoming famous so they can save the world? I'm lost. But if it's option 2, count me out.

Alive And Well I See

Christina Ricci was probably my favorite actress growing up. CASPER ... NOW AND THEN ... WHAAAT !! Oh yeah. I love me some Ricci. And she's so ... unique. Her look. I love her. Here she is by a pool, with shades, Parliaments, drinking and pondering.

Brooke Hogan Entices

Brooke & Kim are SERIOUSLY my inspiration.
Jeezes.

Brad Pitt Doubts Himself

Brad Pitt has allowed Angelina Jolie to totally corrupt his mind. Having a demon for a girlfriend and babies from around the world does not make you OLD Bradley. Ugh.

"I figure I've got very few films left. Who knows how many I'll get to do now, so I want to do something I'm interested in...I think it's a younger person's game."

A younger person's game? What. Are you 94? Bradley, go into your bathroom and chant your name three times. Ssh. Ssh. It's okay just do it. but make sure you'r chanting. a simple "brad" doesn't work. Oh. Your lights flickered, the bathroom steamed and Sexiest Man Ever showed up on the mirror?

Well alright. My work here is done.

Mischa? Mischa Barton !?

HELLO ORANGE COUNTY NATIVE !!!

Mischa Barton graces this month's issue of Arena claiming to be a good girl gone bad. Was she good before !? Cause she did ads for KEDS? I'm not too sure. But now ... she's staring me down with those naughty bedroom eyes showing off arms and legs. Uhoh. UH-OH ! Watchout Now!

PICTURE OF THE MINUTE !

CORDELIA !!!! Are u stepping back onto the screen !? Is the Buffy The Vampire Slayer cast in cahoots to get back out there !? I've seen Buffy ... Willow and Now Cordelia within a week and a half. BUT IT'S OKAY ! Because I love naked backs, cute panties and awesome faces.

Miss. Puerto Rico is attacked ... err a liar?

I think once you've found a look that suits you. Ya know ... that looks good on you ... you should stick with it. Not all women can go curly and Miss. Puerto Rico is one of them. Stay straight and red.

Anyway, this woman said someone sprayed her pageant dress with pepper spray and she broke out into hives twice ! Hah. Girls will be Bitches. Girls. Women. Grandma's. Females. Bitches until death. OO that's a shirt. Jot that down. BUT NOW ... everyone is rushing to the internet to be the FIRST to say she was lying. They're wondering why we didn't see her hive ridden face on screen and WHY she was wearing "the peppered" dress all night at the after party.

“They’re saying, they think she made it up?” Vieira [of The View] asked reporter Kerry Sanders, who replied: “They’re looking into it. They’re curious.”

Rivera is due to be interviewed on Wednesday’s Today show, where, on Tuesday, co-anchor Matt Lauer said he intended to get to the bottom of the mystery.

DOES IT MATTER MEREDITH !?!? DOES IT !? Did the judges give her the title because of the pepper in her dress or did she win because she's beautiful and knows how to win a motherfuckin pageant !? Miss World Caribbean 2005 ... Miss World Puerto Rico 2005 and Miss Global Queen 2003. Guess who holds the sash? Ingrid Marie Rivera.

So unless Magali Febles (the pageant director) who is close friends with Ingrid (Miss. Puerto Rico) and her family rigged FOUR pageants ... i say there's no need to get our panties in a bunch. Unless ... we're like ... changing it up and banning lying to get ahead. *shrug*

Grandma Has An Open Mind

I normally fall asleep or wake up to Tila Tequila on my television screen. This happens because MTV is kind and makes SURE they have the most recent episode of anything on 12 times before the next one. They get even more generous when they say, "once is not enough. let's show the recent and then the entire season in this 6 hour block."

MTV really makes me happy with their decision making because I know that's free DVR space for networks that don't do re runs.

Greatest line ever: Put that little booty on these knees.

I died and rewound 27 times.

I'm Sorry If You're Confused. Let Me Help You

Some people might have the impression that I think Megan Fox is well, a Fox. And some would be wrong. Most would go with I think she's a goddess and should be on display in New York so when immigrants come to this country they say ... Ahhh. American. Sexy. Pretty.

and then they'll forever know what we as Americans find attractive. Strive for it Turkey. STRIVE FOR IT !!!!!!!!

Oh So That's Who You Are

This chick. The new annoying little sister of Meredith Grey is the same chick who played Rachel Leigh Cook from She's All That turned sexy ooo she's so hot walker througher of Marilyn Manson's remake of Tainted Love.

That's right hot bitch.
Show us that leg with the purple fishnets.
Now all we need is the other leg spread in the same position. I'm a genius.
Sex Sells !

Again ... With The Lily Allen

Lily Allen is the only celebrity who has said this. and now I like her even more because this is exactly what the fuck I would do. Minus the chickens and pigs.

“Maybe I could retire at 25. I’m only going to do one more album,” the singer, 22, tells Britain’s Sunday Times.

“It’s a great job, but it doesn’t leave time for what’s important. Like having a family,” she says. “I’d like to live in the country and have a walled garden, and chickens and pigs.”

Touche. you know what MY dream is after making millions. I'm moving to Greece and having sex with any man who pertrudes from the beautiful waters below my Bunaglo. Family is for poor americans.

Geri Halliwell Owns

Emma, Mel C, Victoria omg im so absolutely fabulous and majah Beckham and Geri Halliwell showed up to support their 5th bandmate, Mel B as she tried to win, Dancing With The Stars on Monday night.

That's my Geri.
Always standing out.

Calm Down. Calm Down.

Sigh.
Drool.
Masturbate.
Proceed with Life.

Die Bitch! Die!

1. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT !

2. WHY IS HE ON THE COVER OF A MAGAZINE !?

3. WHY IS KEVIN FEDERLINE ALIVE !?

4. KEVIN FEDERLINE AND THE 50 MOST INFLUENTIAL MEN UNDER 45.

uhm. excuse me while i VOMIT for the sixth time. this entire issue is all fucked up and wrong. "and" would imply that he was included in that 50. BULLSHIT ! KEVIN FEDERLINE ... ON A MAGAZINE ... WITH AN EXPENSIVE WATCH ... THINKING HE'S SOMEBODY ... THE POWER AND INFLUENCE ISSUE.

WHAT THE FUCK !
I'll be at Barnes & Noble after work READING THE FUCK out of this article. Because I don't like to JUDGE situations before I know everything. BUT I KNOW ... they are not associating KEVIN FUCKING FEDERLINE with ANYTHING powerful or INFLUENTIAL !!!!!!

RAGE !

Who Shot Kong?

This 24 year old sexy face was shot in the upper leg during a home invasion over the weekend.

The Pro Bowl safety had taken a bullet in his upper leg, reports the AP, damaging an artery, causing serious blood loss and loss of consciousness. According to his former lawyer, Richard Sharpstein, Taylor seemed to show signs of recovery when he squeezed a nurse’s hand late Monday night, but never regained consciousness thereafter.

Fly on the wall. I wonder if sexy face charged the intruder or if he was peaceful in his bed when the FUCKER entered his room to steal shit. Either way, houses should come equip with Panic Rooms. But no one should have the same. Some should be behind the fridge, some under the toilet and some behind the stove. Ooo and all the panic rooms come with shot guns, camera's and ripe raptor eggs. Sick em.

New Trend For The Season?

Shirts and Lingerie are the new dresses with tights.

We're Never Satisfied

So remember when everyone on the planet was saying, OMG YOU'RE RICH ! HIRE A DRIVER !!!! Well, Brit Brit did hire a driver but he's already quit due to "liability." & now we're teasing her.

Awwhh! *Faints like woman in a scary movie*

LIABILITY. Guess what asshole. You're the man behind the machine. FUCK BITCHES UP ! You're in charge. YOU have what everyone wants in the backseat, you're in control. Run over feet and break cameras.

But Britney Spears, her children and the court ordered monitered will be safe in their seats. Get some shades ... You know what. I'm moving to Los Angeles this weekend. I'LL be Britney's driver. C'mon paps. Fuck with me. It'll be fun.

Oh C'mon Riley !

You know what the greatest idea in the world is. Are u ready for this? Grab a seat. Going to rehab. Meeting a guy in rehab. And bringing him home with u, so he can go out and party while you shop with your little sister and mom.

“Lindsay is trying to fill her time with nondrinking and nonpartying activities,” a Lohan friend told us.

While the fashion-savvy star spent Friday and Saturday shopping at Armani Exchange and Intermix with her mom and sister, her new boyfriend slept late on Saturday, having partied the night before at Pink Elephant.

“Lindsay and Ali were having so much fun shopping, and Lindsay was helping her little sister pick out clothes,” said a source, who saw the girls on Black Friday.

A Lohan friend said: “Riley was not very well behaved when he came back to New York with Lindsay. He was out every night without her, and I’m not sure how much longer that relationship is going to last.”

Yeah. Nonalcoholic & Nonpartying activies. That's cute. But she's Lindsay Lohan so instead of going out every night making friends with people who don't even care about her, she's dropping dough at Armani. Yeah. Yeah. Seems like a fair trade off to me. AS FOR RILEY ! I dunno. I don't really see the problem other than his girlfriend being NO-TOOOR-IOUS [say it like the p puff diddy daddy BIG song] for partying. But. Everyone handles situations differently. Party on !