Ryan Seacrest is smarter than NBC.

Poor Poor Paris. Hilton that is. Just in case you forgot who she was. The Heiress who was pulled over for driving without headlights, didn't have her license because it was suspended for previously getting a DUI. Her.

Sources Say that NBC had offered Paris Hilton One Million Dollars to get the first interview. ABC found out about this and apparently hit the roof because this interview was supposed to go to Barbara Walters. Why would Dust pouch want anything to do with Paris Hilton? Isn't she like 183 and uninterested in anything without a Broach? Fortunately, Ryan after the break Seacrest got the first interview. Because that's what everyone wanted. A scheduled sit down with the most hated person in America to ask her how Prison was. He asked her questions nobody cares about but proved my point on how Paris Hilton is not supposed to be miserable. She's apparently doing well with her inmates. They all whisper through the vents and tell her she's gorgeous and that an autograph would mean the world. She sits in her cell that's way too small and reads 10 fan letters a day. [They don't allow more than that.] She's learning from the lord above and can't wait to figure out what her purpose in life is.

Listen Hilton. Your purpose in life is no where near Angelina Jolie's. We all can't save one starving child from every city and marry Brad Pitt. Err, Fuck Brad Pitt. Okay. I'm not interested in you being the one to cure cancer, solve world hunger or devise a plan for peace. That purpose is for Miss. America. Your job is to entertain me after my 40 hour week. I'm lookin to turn on the television and see some what the fuck is this bitch doing type of action. Let's keep the proper people with the proper roles.

Example One:


Paris is still a member of the hearts over my i's club. See what I mean. This chick is all about the cuteness.

Oooo.
They should make an hour reality show called Haha America on the first hour of her release. It'll show her coming out all smiles, writing her number on the guards hand with her signature over the shoulder look and finger wave. She'll stroll towards the street where her brand new Rover will be waiting for her. Nicky will be holding Tinkerbell while Daddy Hilton hands her his black. She'll turn back to the camera and say, Kiss My Ass Fuckers and it'll have a 45 minute sequence on how Paris Hilton spent 23 [or 28 if u wanna get technical] days in Prison and then came out and spent a Burger King employee's annual salary in 12 minutes.

Then it'll wrap up with her prancing towards the cameras with her big white sunglasses, two short pigtails and a lollipop. She'll give it a loud suck, lift her shades and squeak It's hard being a Hilton.
Hate me Bitches.

& it'll fade to black.
BAM.

Whew.
Someone needs to capture me quick.
This is too much genius for one person.