Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Uhp! Should We Even Vote !?

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Well lookie here. It's pretty obvious Obama is going to win now. Because he's got thee accessory to have on your arm. All those people in the L states worship Oprah and have no mind of their own. Oprah brought Uggs back and now she just won Obama the presidency.

But Katherine ... You Are A Shrew

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Because you yawn without covering your mouth and every role you've ever had ... has been a bitch. "My Father The Hero" I wanted the sexy hey dude boy to drown you in the Ocean. Grey's Anatomy, I want Callie to fuck you up and now ... in Knocked up.

"It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as lovable, goofy, fun-loving guys," she says. "It was hard for me to love the movie." But the film loved her, catapulting her onto Hollywood's A-list and driving her price from the $300,000 she got for "Knocked Up" to $6 million. Heigl also complained she's become disenchanted with her "Grey's" character, Izzie, having a fling with her married best friend. "It was a ratings ploy," she said. "I'm trying to figure her out and keep her real."

No no no. The interviewer should've punched her in the mouth. You're not going to sit down and talk shit about a movie starring amazing people and rip it to shreds. I'm sure when you cashed that 300K check you were all about getting Knocked Up. But now, that you're allowed to jump 3 zero's you wanna get lippy. Women are shrews. The only women who are not bitches are rich ones. Because they're not relying on a man to pay off their college loans, their credit card debt, their two door and waiting around for them to show em some attention. So we're painted as whores. Because we don't need the warmth of dick. We've got green baby.

This entry is wrong. Let me try and redeem myself. Women are bitches. Men are awesome. Simple. Men care about video games and playing basketball after taking back 8 beers. Women care about EVERYTHING and expect the man to want to be apart of it. I loved Knocked up but hated it. Katherine's character really did piss me off. I wanted Seth Rogen to punch her in the stomach, spit in her mouth and push her down a flight of stairs. How's that for Shrew?

The Four Greatest Men Alive. Maybe 3½

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Jason Schwartzman, Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd and Jonah Hill all attended the GQ Men Of The Year party Wednesday night. And I'm sure you know who the half is. The only man in the group who I would not sleep with. and we know it's NOT Paul Rudd. That ... That ... I'm going to rape him. Do u hear me Paul Rudd. Josh from Clueless. If you ever exist in my personal space, you will be raped.

"I don't think the movie's sexist, I think there are characters in the movie who are sexist. Apparently Vanity Fair needs to sell some magazines. They've got to turn up the controversy. I'm sure when they get you talking for hours and hours, a couple lines taken out of context seem more interesting than they really are."

Katherine Heigl is a bitch. I was trying to find her quote so I could write about it by found Judd Apatow's rebutle first. You cannot go up against these men Katherine. Have u not seen the last 3 movies they were in. 40 Year Old Virgin ... Superbad ... Knocked Up ... C'mon. We understand their humor. You being a female. And them being nerds from the basement. They're used to not having to please you.

"We won A Women's Image Network Award; I picked it up myself. I don't really talk to Katie."

Oh Seth. You make my vagina smile.

Such A Bitchy Kardashian

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Kourtney (right) manages to ruin the show for me. She's all holier than thou and her fuckin monotone bitch voice is so suicidal. And I know it's called, Keeping Up With The Kardashians so we should technically be involved in the lives of all 86 Kardashians but I thought the title was a ploy ... but everyone knew it was all about Kim. Because. Honestly. Who are the Kardashians? Exactly. Nobody Fuckin Cares. WE ONLY CARE ABOUT KIM ! and if we is me that's fine too. I only care about Kim. So ... next season should be called, What's Kim Doing? Because ... I'm so fascinated by her. Her face. Her voice. Her Chest. Her Ass. Her Vehicle. Her. Really. I'd watch her shop at Ralph's and feed Pigeons bread crumbs for an hour. Doesn't really matter. My hobbies are eating, writing and staring at awesome.

Oh No Pammie !

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Remember when I was all butt hurt over Brad Pitt saying he was done with Hollywood because he's old? Well. It sucks to be a woman. Because I think Pamela Anderson is younger than Brad and it's about that time for her to hang up her ... celebrity? Here's Pam during her last magic show in Las Vegas over the weekend.

I was just in Vegas. And I saw her face everywhere but might've been too dumb or too drunk to understand what it meant. Had I known Pammie was there assisting a magician ... I would've so gone to see her over Dane Cook.

*Errupts in Laughter*
OmGah. I know. I know. I'm hilarious. But no. It's about that time. You can only be naked with ur huge boobs for so long. Does Silicone sag? No huh. Well. Unless she's got some die hard fans, that succumb to her sagging skin but perky breasts, it's time to return to the beach and uh ... not wear uggs and eat graham crackers off of tea plates.

Whoooooa Keen !

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Mmm. There's something about a man dressed in black, leaning on a wall, smoking a cigarette.

Lindsay Lohan is Dirty. Still Sexy !

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Well hello there cute face. Guess what I heard. FROM STAR ! So I know it's true girl. I heard you and the ex completely trashed your hotel room when you visited Shutters Hotel On The Beach in Santa Monica. I just googled shutters and find this to be a complete accusation. Have u seen, well, of course you have. Those rooms are too gorgeous to be fucked up by bloody synringes and drugs.

“Staffers went into clean and were shocked,” says the source. “It was a pigpen. There was filth everywhere and the room stank of cigarette smoke.

“There was also a bloody syringe that someone left lying on the bedside table on a room service tray. Hotel security photographed it before calling someone to remove it because it was considered hazardous waste.”

Huh. So it's hazardous waste and we need to call someone like oh I dunno security to come and have it removed. But not before they take a picture of it and call someone else like the bomb squad. Where's the picture !? Is this article too soon? Should I wait a few more hours before Lindsay's bloody synringe is all over the internet and the cover of People? Ooo. Can't wait. Because ... a bloody synringe means Lindsay's still got it.

*Dances A Jig.*

Bow Wow Is Sex

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with a y. Ugh. This picture looks somewhat young. But homie has that beautiful baby bottom smooth face so I never know. But whatever. Bow Weezie has jumped on the exhaustion/stressed bandwagon which landed him in the hospital on thursday. He's cancelled the remainder of his shows for the week on his tour with Chris Brown and Sean Kingston.

Well Bow. When you live your life doing what others expect and ask of you, it can get somewhat stressful. I'm just saying. Blow something up or eat pussy and leak it. I'd buy it and that'd be at least $12 extra bucks in your pocket. That should put a smile on your face.

Britney Spears Still A Theif

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Britney Spears graced a Los Angeles Chevron with her presence this past weekend. Upon leaving the gas station, she went back and decided to grab a lighter. Y'know, cause she needs fire to light cigarettes and spoons. Here's what's awesome with most of the Britney stories. x17online are hardcore Britney stalkers. So there's a camera around her at all times. This means, the truth cannot be stretched and if it's not on videotape, I don't believe it.

"I stole something. Oh, I'm bad. Ohhhhh!"

So what this says to me is Britney Spears no longer cares. Officially. I had my assumptions about this before but this video and the stealing of the blue lighter has sealed the deal. And shit. If I was Britney Spears, and I stole shit and I had a camera crew who washed my windows, pumped my gas and went back to the places I stole from to pay for me ... I'd do it do. People do whatever others let them get away with doing.

Ivanka Want To Sex You Up

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I don't know what this is for but it's the internet so it's out there. This is Ivanka Trump. The Donald's daughter. But ... she's trying to be sexy. Because what have I always said? EVERYONE'S A DAMN FREAK and when your career isn't going right ... pull up some stockings, open ur legs, get the big fan and grab whip.

It's Called Vanity

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Victoria Beckham, Son Beckham and David Beckham. There is nothing wrong in this picture. Nothing wrong at all. This is called a fairytale. What you're looking at. I watched Barbara Walter's "Most Intriguing People" last night. WHY was Katherine Heigl involved? I dunno. Whatever. But the Beckhams are sooo cute. With their accents and amazing faces. I totally dig their sense of humor as well. No but. David Beckham. *Sigh* David Beckham is TOTALLY in love with Victoria.

"Well ... we've been married 8 years and together for ... 7 ..."
"10 years ! How are we married 8 but together for 7?"

But he KNEW. He said 10 with a frow brow like he's been counting the days. Ahhh. He's so wonderful. I saw one of their videos and said I was going to marry that woman. Everything about him. Everything about him.

Picture Of The Minute

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I'm not above vanity. Which means I'm definately not above finding wonderful looking pictures that have absolutely no meaning and posting them on every blog I have. So that's what's happening here. Probably one of my favorite duo's ever.

Johnny Depp and Tim Burton.

Eva Mendes Is Annoying

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What are the point of these campaign ads? Are they cute? Aww that's so cute. Rather go naked. GO NAKED then. The wonderful thing about Peta, is they think they're going to change the world. So because u have actresses slutting up their hair and make up with their bare asses out ... Ooh. We're helping the animals. If you Eva, with your round ass wanna walk the streets of Los Angeles nude, by all means. I'm sure no one will complain. But don't call doctors and sue people when u get a runny nose. It's winter. What's the best way to cover up? Bear skin rugs. Naaah. Don't twist ur pubic hairs. Wear spandex and tin foil. That should keep u warm. Worked for me.

Britney Spears Cares About Her Appearance

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I guess.

I wonder when magazines and tabloids will go out of business. My dream is to work for a magazine but ... i'm already ahead of the game by waking up. My computer is right there. So it's like, why grab 8 magazines when getting my starbucks in the morning? ESPECIALLY when we're no closer to getting names. Sources Say

“She's always worrying about what she looks like,” one friend of the "Toxic" songtress reveals to OK!. “She checks pictures of herself on the Internet every night and criticizes every single one."

On her checklist: liposuction of the abdomen, hips and thighs ($18,000); a breast lift with change of silicone implants ($25,000); a mini tummy tuck ($18,000); and work on her nose ($20,000). Grand total: $81,000!

I guess that whole Doctor/Patient agreement thing went out of the window in Beverly Hills. I mean when someone gets plastic surgery we obviously KNOW because we're looking at them. But are doctors allowed to give a list? Fuck these people.

I'm just confused. If Britney CARES about her appearance ... why isn't she wearing make-up with expensive extensions? Isn't that what women care about? Their hair and make-up? So if she's so worried about it, why not start slow? Some douchebag cunt fucker suggested she go to Jan Adams. UGH ! If she dies because she's trying to perFECT herself for you motherfuckers. Oh the rage. Oh. The.Rage.

Just ...
Just ... start ... taking promotional pictures and PERFORMING PLACES !! We just need to remember that you're an artist and not someone to stare at while buying a venti and a pack of cigarettes in the morning.

I Think I Like Paris Hilton

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Rephrase. I do like Paris Hilton. Just cause. Why not. Everyone else hates her. because she's rich and had sex and showed her vagina and got drunk and everything that other people do minus the rich part. And her life is so extravagant. Why would you really need to hate this Barbie Doll. & uh hello. She's armed with Britney Spears. Sold.

I Don't Want To Know ... Your Name.

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Alicia Keys is on my motherfuckin nerves as of performing "No One" at the VMA's this year. I mean whatever. Are you ghetto or are you classy? I dunno. Maybe I shouldn't be watching so much MTV but every other fuckin commercial is her. Exploiting bootlegs and her kickin ass in heels. "Bitch." Or sitting on the steps in Brooklyn with an entourage groovin to the beat. Ugh.

Alicia attended the ONDA Awards in Barcelona, Spain. Anything to get drunk and party.

Miss Panties Is A Trip

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Hayden wants to come off as this breathe of fresh air. Ooo. A Celebrity who's not greedy and crazy. She's featured on the cover of Teen Magazine and wants us to know that she's not Lindsay Lohan.

"“The good thing is that I don’t enjoy doing any of the things that [the paparazzi] are interested in catching me doing,” dishes Hayden. ”For God knows what reason, they compare me with Lindsay Lohan! It’s kind of become, ‘All right, you guys can stay there and try knocking me off my horse.’ I want to prove them wrong now.”

Uh. Yeah. Sorry that you're not as neat as Aaron Carter and Jesse McCartney. Maybe you're waiting until you're actually 21 to go out and do those things that photogs want to catch you doing. My only question is. Did you give this interview before or after smoking with Paris Hilton, Romping with Stephan Coletti, Taking tongue pictures with ass cheeks or drinking and being scandalous with your friends? It's a disease Hayden. And you've got it. Don't be ashamed. But turn 21 before you become holier than thou.

Britney Rides With A Male

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OmGah. Sound the alarms. Britney Spears is in her vehicle with a man that is not Justin Timberlake, Kevin Federline, JR Scrotum or Sam Lufti. WHAT'S GOING ON !? We're all lost without the knowledge of this man's name! Someone help me. SOMEONE HELP ME !

Calm down. I've figured it out. His name is Robert Edie and he is a real estate agent. Haters frequently ask me if there is anything that Britney has done that I disagree with. My answer has always been No. Until now.

And not so much as disagreeing. More like I'm questioning. Britney's hanging out with this real estate agent man while she has a huge ass mansion in The Summit in Beverly Hills but spends most of her nights at The Four Seasons. Maybe I'm weird but. If I was a celebrity, I'd have a pretty sick ass bachelorette pad. As in Condo. Not a mansion. But that's just because I'm making sure I have more than enough to purchase every purse on the planet. But whatever. I'm not the Queen B. So maybe buying houses is her purse addiction.

Oh Vicky Dahling, Don't Be Silly

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Victoria Beckham looks absolutely major as she graces the January 2008 cover of Elle Magazine. Turns out Victoria Beckham might be exactly who we think she is.

On David Beckham:
"I sleep naked. I'm going to be naked if I'm getting in bed with him [husband David Beckham] every night."

On somehow being a Spice Girl:
“It became very obvious from the start that I was never going to be the best singer or the best dancer or the best actress. I was never a 'natural.' You know, I've never been that good at anything, to be completely honest.”

On being a fashion designer:
“I work seven days a week. And I so love what I'm doing. I could go shopping all day, which is what a lot of people think that I do. That's their perception-that I'm a miserable bitch and go shopping all day and boss David about.”

On finding out she’s popular on Halloween:
“Someone told me I'm going to feature big this year with the drag queens.” She loves this. “I'm so camp! I'm such a gay man trying to get out. I don't give a shit what anybody thinks.”

Let's take a minute and direct our attention back to the first interview question. This is what the fuck's up. I'm in your boat with a paddle Victoria. I'd sleep naked too if David motherfuckin Beckham was warm and chistled next to me. I'm naked baby. Ready Willing and Waiting.

But. What's going on with all these celebrities admiting that they're not anything special? Jodie Foster was just given an award for being powerful. Her response, "I'm actually really weak." WTF. Take this award and save your weakness for your basement. Uhck. And now we have Victoria basically admitting that she should've never been a Spice Girl. I'm an SG fan. Last night I stopped and did the dance right along with them. But I do remember always referring to Victoria as "that one" or "the one in black." I never understood why she WAS in the group to begin with. But now I know. Right Place. Right Time. Right Daddy.

Tara Reid Knows What's Up

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now this is what the fuck i'm talking about. when i say i'm going shopping, I'm GOING shopping. i'm not satisfied unless i'm pissed that i'm holding so many sacks.

tara reid went shopping at ed hardy and probably had to ignore the chuckles from the sidelines. sources say that tara was only paid $3500 to host The Hookers Ball.

"She had to drop her inflated price to a bargain-basement fee of about $3,500 when nobody would bite, Sydney Confidential reports. The surgically-enhanced sexpot was most recently seen cavorting for cash at the taste-challenged gala called the Hookers Ball in Darwin."

yeah. let's all laugh. because the last time i checked i was waking up at 8am to work 8 hours a day NOT to make $3500 in two weeks. so fuck your laughter. i'll take $3500 to get naked with gay men ANYday. rock on tara.

Lily Allen. Officially My Newest Idol.

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Oh Lily.
How I said this exact thing about u forever ago. And now that you've shed ur insecurity ... you're actually ADMITTING to being a jealous bitch.

"A lot of that stuff I said was because I didn’t feel confident,” she says. “”I felt like, ‘Oh God, I’m short, fat, ugly…and I hate all these people who flaunt their beauty.’ Ever since a kid I’ve felt like I’m possibly the uncoolest, naffest person ever to walk the earth. But I feel great at the moment. I actually don’t have one bad thing to say about anything.”

Jealous females who admit they're bitchy because they are a jealous female get my vote.