Wednesday, July 11, 2007

FONDLE THE TAINT

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Pretend you don't know her and ya'll just happened to bump carts at the nearby Albertsons. Admit you'd do a double take. Admit it. I'll wait. I think I figured out what it is about her that has my panties in a bunch, my heart a flutter and my sexual orientation in question.

Her Face.

I don't think anybody has a good face anymore. Nobody. Oh yea sure you're pretty cause you're wearing make up and extensions and all that whooplah but you're not that pretty.

She's flawless to me. FLAW-LESS. Flawless. I wish I could find her without make up on because even then, I'm like buckling at the knees.

We've got a full blown crush emerging America. I wish it was accepted because then I might be able to suck it up and actually come out. I wouldn't want to scare her off though. I've heard that the most awkward thing is to ... BREAKING NEWS !

Lindsay Lohan seems to have some of the greatest friends this planet has to offer. She had her ex bodyguard of like a week tell the entire world about her ill fucking kill you romp in the bushes with her coke dealer. She had another friend who thought it'd be totally awesome to capture and share evidence of Lindsay "doing cocaine" in the bathroom at Teddys. The latest bestfriend award goes to the bitch who leaked Lindsay's lesbian lover emails [via myspace] to Samantha Ronson.

"Babe, if I don't have you in my life then I should just go die. ... I want to marry you and have children with you."
"Go to bed babe,"
"I love you. - [signed] Lindsay Ronson."


Oh stop. I'm not crying. I just poured sand in my eyes. And just in case you forgot, THIS is what Samantha Ronson looks like. The hotness kills me.

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