Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Kelly Clarkson is Fat.

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Being a fellow chubster myself, I shouldn't be so quick as to jump on the bandwagon of giving Kelly Clarkson a quick lashing for her unnoticeable weight gain but I am.

Kelly Clarksons label, handlers and friends are all coming down on the reality star, I mean singer because she's put on a few pounds.

"She's always moaning about how she can't find a boyfiend and she blames this dry spell on her weight."

"Sometimes she's in the studio for 14 hours and the only food she eats is fast food, potato chips and candy bars. Kelly drinks a lot of soda and hates working out."

"The way Kelly looks and feels now, Kelly isn't going to let a man love her, [which is what she may need] to get off this negative merry-go-round."

I vomited four times in the middle of writing this. I figured I'd share. I don't know why Kelly is having a dry spell right now. There are so many tricks of my trade that can show a female how to get wet on her own time. I hope Kelly isn't one of these annoying, I need a man by my side to feel whole type of bitches. Oops. I mean chicks. I'm going with my assumption that she's run out of good material so she needs a man to break up with to have another hit.

I read the article eight times and still have no idea why Kelly is single. She's so lovely and round. I mean, why would anyone be single when they sit in a studio for 14 hours eating everything listed above complaining about working out? I'm shocked, dismayed and appalled. If I was a man, I'd be camped outside her place of sleep waiting to share a couple of bags of Frito's and Coke. Not diet.

Whatever Kelly. If you're gonna be in Hollywood you need to be covered in plastic. & by plastic, I'm not referring to surgery. I'm talkin about TOUGH SKIN. It makes sense. Think about it. HOLLYWOOD IS SKINNY. The common folk are supposed to open the magazines or come to the websites to see the new dress that wouldn't dare go past a size five. You were never a stick so it's obvious that's not the reason for being our American Idol. If you wanna purchase a new wardrobe that has nothing to do with a zipper or button, load up the trunk. Just don't make statements aloud that give the exact reason why you're complaining in the first place.

Hit the Gym, Starlett.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well she can't just expect to be skinny with the way she eats... lol. I eat all that junk too... the difference is that I work out.

PS: You spelled boyfriend wrong. :P LOVE YA!