Britney Spears has a Vagina.

OMG! LET ME TELL YOU WHAT THIS GIRL DID NOW! She had a very productive day on the set of her new video that I'm excited enough to stomp pelicans for. She dressed up in her green contacts and black hair and then decided to have a pool party on the roof of The Standard hotel in Hollywood.

"Although Spears was expecting her two young sons to be dropped off at her Beverly Hills home at noon, the singer had arranged to have the pool reopened at 2 am for the exclusive use of her group, which included then-assistant Shannon Funk and some hand-picked male extras from her video shoot.

“Britney was the first one to undress, and then everyone else followed,” Encinias tells Us. “I turned around and saw that she was topless and she had fake tattoos of flowers on her nipples from the shoot. I was told all she wanted to do that night was kiss a boy. And that’s what she did. Mission accomplished.”

It was when the alcohol started running low that an inebriated Spears, 25, suggested a game of Truth or Dare. “I was dared to get naked and get out of the pool and walk as though I was on a catwalk in a fashion show,” says Encinias. “Britney was laughing really hard.”

Do I have to buy the magazine in order to see the incriminating pictures of the seduced soul who did the dick catwalk of shame? Because if he wasn't catwalking naked then there is no story here. Or should we just focus on how completely disgusting Spears is for dropping her top?

Or how about you alert me when there's something to be shocked about. A topless drunk woman in a pool with a 21 year old frat boy playing truth or dare sounds like prime college years to me. Except Britney Spears had to do it better with her champagne, cameras and expensive hotels. All I got was a beer and a sore poop shoot. Some people just have all the luck.