Paris Whitney Hilton has been sentenced to 45 days at the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, California. She is to start her sentence June 5th, 2007 for violating her DUI probation by driving down Sunset Boulevard without her headlights on.
While the rest of the world will be stalking their television sets and computer screens to see if Paris actually goes to jail, I'll be at party city. Duh. June 5th, Mark Wahlberg's birthday. You know that's the busiest day of the year for me. Invitations, Birthday Cakes, Elephants, etc. I'll surely be spending my account past the red while everyone else wastes their time making sure Paris goes to jail because IT'S JUST NOT FAIR !!
It's not fair that Paris Hilton is Blonde. It's not fair that Paris Hilton is famous for having sex on tape. It's not fair that Paris Hilton got to hang out with Britney Spears. It's not fair that Paris Hilton has a Range Rover, Mercedes and a fucking Bentley. It's not fair that Paris Hilton goes shopping every 20 minutes. It's not fair that Paris Hilton is richer than me. It's not fair that Paris Hilton was born Paris Hilton. So, let's make SURE we send this little spoiled pampered lucky bitch to JAIL so we can FINALLY feel good about ourselves.
I'm down with the crowd. I mean, I'd rather fly to Kentucky right now to go swamp romping but no. I have to head off to work in three hours. Ugh. That really pisses me off so uhm, send paris to jail. Yeah. Yeah. Send that lucky whore to Jail because no one else in the United States drives drunk. Ever. I've known a man named George for five years now and doubt I've ever seen him leave the gas station sober. George isn't in Jail. But then again, I'm not Jealous of george cause like ... he buys his alcohol in gas stations. Gross.
I thought driving drunk was cool. I hear about the amazing "I left this party so hammered" weekend episodes that almost end in death every monday. I thought it was the latest trend. STOP CONFUSING ME !! If Paris goes to jail it'll simply be because she's Paris Hilton. If Paris doesn't go to jail, then, uh, it'll simply be because she's Paris Hilton. No one gives a fuck about her DUI.
We just wanna learn about the war and the only way to do that is to get this media attention whore OUT of the way.