So I know that you need a picture in order to read a story so this is the one you're going to get. It's the most recent gossip I'd like to share. Although, don't get your panties twisted. Britney Spears practical name my album joke is not the only story you're getting tonight Labias and Genitals.
This is going to be one hell of an entry that basically catches you up on everything you already know and everything you missed on our Dearest Britney Spears.
I don't even remember my last time writing something celebrity. Wanna know the reason? I haven't been looking. Oh yeah. You didn't know that? There are in fact ways to get away from the Hollywood Gossip. [Ooooo scary Halloween Music Ahhhhh] Now, don't confuse that with me saying I don't want you interested. Because if that were the case, I'd have no future career.
I'm gonna go ahead and take the time right now to list off paragraph style, everything I've failed to write about in the past two weeks. Reading Goggles? Check. Refreshing Beverage? Check. Whatever you take at night to sedate yourself? Check. Alright. We're ready to go.
Britney Spears had to be carried out of of the mens room at SkyBar, located in the Mondrian Hotel because she was "puking too much." It's stated that people overheard her telling the staff, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Things aren't going well for me at the moment." She's also been seen around town wearing things like THIS and it just makes her like, the worst person in the world. She made an attempt to be normal and decided to take an average joe plane when she headed to Florida. She tried for about 10 minutes before demanding that the pilot turn around because the plane "didn't have leather seats." There are tons of quotes of passengers bitching [oh, cause I guess she delayed the flight by an hour. Oops.] and all that shit but I'm sure you've already heard the Juice. While in Miami, she apparently stalked the streets in what seemed to look like a bathing suit cover up. But that's just me. I do have bad vision ya know. She then lost the support of her Gay and Transexual fan base because, "How dare she go on stage with white gogo boots and a bad hair weave." She then decided that it'd be fun to walk around the town without a Bra in a cute 19th century lookin shirt which later turned into a Corsett. Jeeze. No bra with a Corsett. How lame.
Britney Spears and Ryan Phillippe are rumored to have made out in the bathroom at Les Deux. Oh. Oh. My FAVORITE line in the world. Sources Say [giggles] that Ryan stopped by Britney's table and gave her the fuck me wink. She then followed him to the bathroom. Kinkay! However, her bodyguards were just so worried about her that they figured the best thing to do in the situation would be to bust down the door. "She wasn't responding. We were worried." Aww. King Kong and his white woman. The first time I read this entry, I was pissed. Kong had just fucked up a very good opportunity for a sexual intercourse read. C'mon. What was on his mind? Brit's been gone awhile with that otha fella, I must go save her !! Guy and Girl go into bathroom. Guy and Girl don't come out for awhile. Guy and Girl don't respond when Kong pound door. Me Want Spears. Did anyone else think Ryan murdered Britney in a crowded club bathroom? or did we all assume they were FUCKING !!!?!!!
Britney then took a trip to Marina Del Ray with Allie and Sean Preston. They spent the day coasting around, getting some sun and Brit modeled a very cute bikini.
Next up, we've got Britney in her cute polka dot bikini again. Only this time it's on a beach and we've caught her from her backside Is it honestly that bad? Really. Uhp. Here she is running away from Paparazzi. Aww. C'mon. Everyone has a bad ass day. We all can't be Kim Kardashian. Jeeeeeze.
Next on the list, Britney's dating her Drug Counselor. Yeah. How about not having a man anything when you have a drug and sex addiction. C'mon. Why would a man help you out in either of those situations. Britney, Allie, Sean Preston and OMG JAYDEN JAMES make an appearance out and about. I think it was one of the first times we got to see that he had a body. I thought it was so glamorous of the world who doesn't give a shit about Britney, to make such a hissy fit about not seeing her baby. Wait. One more time. Hissy Fit? No no. The other thing. Glamorous world? After that. Her baby? YES! HER baby. I couldn't believe some of the things I was reading when she wasn't shoveling out the pictures of him. He's an alien with no head, three arms and a turd for a nose. Really. Do people have day jobs anymore? Oh yeah. We were also able to get this picture of Britney. New Bathing Suit. Amazing Ass. Take That !
Oh no.
The end of the gossip is near my friends. The most recent act for attention happened Tuesday night when Britney, some rando chick and I'm not in the picture enough Allie headed out to get their party on. Britneys new thing is to wear her clothes Backwards. I'm not really sure why, but whatever. Apparently wearing your clothes backwards means they're going to fall off exposing the top of your areola. Something no human has ever seen before. It was basically blurred out on every website because the people who visit gossip columns are all about the class.
Speaking of class, Britney has joined the cast of show us your panties for the amazing price of hatred. The game? Wake up. Put on a skirt. Go get your nails done and hope there's a perverted photog who who likes to drop it like it's hot. Fuck the panties. The only thing in question about Britney Spears is her purse. What is that thing. I use to shoot my nose in the air when I was 14 and saw those at Target. C'mon Brit. I'm down with everything else you're doin girl but let's get real with the purse.
So that's it labias and genitals.
Britney Spears in a two week nutshell. She vomits, makes out in bathrooms with hot men, hates flying without leather seats, takes trips in her bikni, wears her bikini when she really shouldn't, finally shows us Jayden and wears her clothes backwards.
She's SO FUCKED UP.
How can this girl continue to go on living. I mean. It's all just so disgusting. & then that whole shaving of the head thing. Yeah. You know what. I'm gonna grab my pitchfork and latern and meet whoever wants to join me in the circle of moral. Let's say 8ish. Cause Flavor of Love 18 comes on tonight and I have to know which classy lady gets kicked off. But, I'm down to slit throats and choke babies before that.
Who's with me.
Oops.
& oh yeah. Britney has posted a vote for my new album on her official website. YOU HAVE TO PAY TO JOIN. Haha. Sometimes my mind isn't always right. I'll have to take care of that situation once I get home. However, I've come up with my own titles for her album. Which I will glady share with her once I sign up.
Until then, I shall leave you with my suggestions.
1.) Fuck America.
2.) Land of the Bored & Jealous
3.) Dissed and Dismissed
4.) Judged
Honestly.
I think they're brilliant.
But I also think that, Omg is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like is the best title I've ever heard.
I'm already camped outside of Target waiting on the arrival.
Until Spears leaves her house again.
I'm out.
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