I've been waking up with night terrors for weeks because of this girl right here. Lindsay Lohan is like some sort of Orgasm I only experience whenever she's drunk, high or has fuck me face complete with sex hair. Apparently she's been hanging out in Rehab, working out at gyms and taking hikes in range of the Hollywood sign. Now I hear she's wearing some alcohol detector on her ankle. Because she wants to prove to everybody that she isn't drinking when she leaves Rehab and heads to Vegas.
I mean, whatever 21 year old girl. I'm so glad you can prove to the rest of us dumbasses that it's perfectly fine to be young and party sober. And the party doesn't always have to end up in Vegas at the club sponsored to host "I'm 21 and ready to drink parties. Shoot no. You can drink a lot of redbull and engage in deep conversation. The music? Don't worry about the music. You're there to be sober in the club. You're there to dance and be hyper. Completely sober. And I read somewhere [I think it was one of those fictional peter rabbit books] that you can actually engage in sexual intercourse without being drunk. I KNOW!!! I said yeah right and burned that fucking book.
I'm also proud that Lindsay turned herself in. Only self respecting women sneak off in the middle of the night to turn themselves in for DUI and Coke substance charges. Uhp! There was no mention of her confessing about the coke? Well slap me in the mouth. That's what happens when you get your information from the streets. My good sources say that Lindsay was released an hour after turning herself in because it was her FIRST DUI offense. Phew! So everyone gets a free pass.
& in other news, I'm going to go out on a limb and assume she's covering up her alcohol cravings with licorace. So why shouldn't I be putting my sandals on and rushing to the nearest store to buy both? OMG Right! I'm already in the car!